Sunday, March 14, 2010

Swimsuits for Mormons

I went swimsuit shopping yesterday. Do you know how hard it is to buy a swimsuit when you're a Mormon girl? Even in Utah, it is exceedingly difficult, although not as bad as in Oregon. Outside of Utah, you go to a department store and they've got several racks full of bikinis, and the only one-pieces are a couple of extra exra larges and a really ugly floral print with a little skirt that was obviously meant for a 70-year-old lady. All the girls who read this know exactly what I'm talking about. The fashion industry doesn't believe in one-pieces for anyone under 50 years old or 300 lbs. Unfortunatley, I do. So when my roommate needed a new swimsuit and I decided I did too, I was excited to go shopping in the Land of the Modest Clothes. I mean, they have prom dresses with sleeves here. How hard could finding a new swimsuit be? Answer: harder than I thought. Part of the problem is that my roommate and I are poor college students with a very minimal interest in fashion, which means on the list of things we want to spend our money on, clothing is pretty close to the bottom, somewhere in between notebook paper and dryer sheets. So the first couple of stores we went to were out, because I had forgotten that some people feel morally okay with charging $50-$70 for a couple of square feet of spandex. We finally ended up in a store which was more in our price range (It may have started with "Wal" and ended in "Mart." Don't judge, okay?). Then the real shopping began. After discarding the ones with the little skirts, the ones that only came in extra large, and the ones that were just plain ugly, we had a few choices left. The problem was, none of them worked out so well. I'm a lot more picky than just fulfilling the one-piece requirement, and the rest of the swimsuits were either too low in front, or had no back, or some other problem like that. See, a lot of girls don't really wear their swimsuits to go swimming in. Guys would probably be surprised to hear it, but it's true. Even for Mormon girls, the point of owning a swimsuit is to lounge around the pool, watch the guys show off, and maybe do a little bit of flirty splashing with your feet (provided it doesn't mess up your hair), all while wearing considerably less than you would be allowed to wear to school. I, on the other hand, go to the pool to actually swim. Sometimes I even do things like river raft or play basketball, or other activities that involved a fair amount of rough-housing. So I like my swimsuit to fit, and fit well. So all the options were out, except for one decent-looking but not particularly cute black one. The only problem was, there was only one small size, and my roommate needed it worse than I did. Long story short, I still have the same swimsuit I've had since high school. Guys have it so easy.


  1. Jade! I TOTALLY understand and support. I found my fabulously modest swimming suit at Dillards--in the winter, totally on sale. So, though this year it may be a little late, check in like November/December, because they go at least half off. And they're nice--like, I paid $30 for my Speedo brand one piece.

  2. I once came across a website selling "modest" swimsuits for Mormons. They were pretty modest and even cute. However, they wanted at least $70 for one, and frankly it may have been even more than that. As my brother-in-law would say, it's "Mormons making money off of Mormons." I did happen to find a fairly nice modest one when we were getting ready for our honeymoon, but that's almost been 10 years ago and I really need a new one so I'll be feeling your pain soon too.